This post began as a statement written for the police in Kenya but the subject makes it fit perfectly into what much on this page is about, human relationships, trust, fear, vulnerability, power dynamics, manipulation…… so I realized it would be a waste to not share it here as well. The story begins with an explanation of what made me an easy target and ends with the main character in the story (the compainant) showing up together with 7 armed policemen outside my apartment.
The story (Part 1)
I got to know the complainant at Seas of Life Mission, IYC in Nyamasaria, a Church and a youth center with a Gym, a Taekwondo Club and educational activities to help young people become good leaders in church and society. To understand my relationship with the complainant and the vulnerable situation I was in when I met him and came to trust him I have to begin with describing my relationship to to center and the Reverend who founded and is running it.
The beginning of freindships and trust
I first visited the center and met the Reverend in december 2023. I was still very new in Kenya and had only been here on a first 3 month visit in the beginning of the year and then returned in October with the intent to make this country my home together with a woman and her two daughters. I did not know and understand much of this country and its culture so I really valued gettig to know a man from a similar background/culture as my own (he is Canadian) that was well established and had lived here permanently for 14 years.
Our relationship developed slowly over time until October 2024 when problems in my relationship with the woman I was living with caused an interruption that lasted for about 8 months. In July 2025 things had turned really bad and dramatic in my relationship with this woman, I had found out she had stolen 300 000 shillings from me and the title deeds on land for about 4 million I had bought for us to build on had disappeard. I lost the last rests of respect and trust for her and felt a strong need for emotional support and advice from neutral people that I trusted.
Refuge in Church
Most of the people I knew was friends or family to my friend my now ”ex” But the Reverend, his church and center was a place with no connection to this woman where I felt at home. At this time I had become a regular visit to the gym and got to know the coach of the Taekwondo Club. Now I also began to visit Sunday Service in their church. I found support and understanding of my situation from my friend the Reverend, a pastor connected to the center, the Coach and the complainant…. who happend (?) to show up, very willing to listen and understand……
My relationship with the complainant
My relationship with the complainant began the very end of July 2025 and we connected through WhatsApp 1:st of August mostly texted and ran into each other at the center once or twice until the 11:th, a very short time but the time when I was most vulnerable and in need of people willing to understand my situation. I shared a lot of personal information with him and to strengthen our bond he also told me about his own problems and difficulties with work, money and with soon having nowhere to stay. At that time he was temporarily stayng at the center, according to him due to problems with the new wife of his widowed father that did not like him (now I understand why….)
Already 4 days afer we had connected on WhatsApp, the 5:th of August, he sent me a message telling me he had not eaten anything for almost 24 hours and asked if I could lend him 100 shilling. His first small test of my empathy, generosity and boundaries around money? I sent him the money but told him it was a gift, not a loan. Last messege in our conversation during this time was just a ”hello” sent 11:th of August. I saw it but found no reaon to respond to it. Another ”hello” came then nothing for almost two months. I saw him a few times in church but I basically only greeted him. The 5:th of October he tried again, this time with ”Good morning. How are You?” Still I did not respond, not sure why but I guess my intuition told me not to…. another ”hello” the 17:th of October, I still did’t respond…
Then things developed very fast
On a Sunday Services in the church in Octobe one of the young leaders/pastors held a preaching about ”being a vessel of God” and contribute to the community. This innspired me to think about what I could contribute with to this place that had become close to my heart. What I figured could be useful and something I would love to do was teaching how to cook Indian food. I just had to get to know the place more and find a way to start small. This opportunity came the 24:th of October. Some of the people in the center was coming toghether to make fruit juice before a planned social gathering I had been invited to. I offered to participate with a juicer plus teach how to make Yoghurt and lassi (a kind of indian Smoothie made with yoghurt) These things would fit well to combine with producing and selling plain juice and could also give a better margin.
My contribution was apperiaciated by all present but the one most interested to pick up my ideas was the complainant, who already had been making and sold som juices and was interesetd in restarting this. He being the one that seemed to be the most motivated made me choose him as the one to support and help, at least for a start, then things escalated very fast, now with him knowing a lot about me, my weak spots, my wish to contribute, help and support and my vulnerable relationship situation…..
Someone to ”house-sit” my apartmen
At this time I was soon going to leave the country. I had a ticket to India for the12:th of November a country I like almosta as much as Kenya and like to visit. I hadn’t thought much about it but now that I was living alone and my departure was approaching I began to feel uncomfortable with leaving the apartment empty. We had burglers inside a year earlier when we were asleep in the apartment, now it would be empty for weeks and soon everyone around would know the Mzungu was not home.
I came up with the idea of trying to find a reliable person to stay there while I was away and of course my new young ”friend” seemed like a good option. I went to the Reverend to discuss it with him. He told me he did not know the complainant very well but he had been allowed to stay there temporarily when he was in a difficult situation, he had behaved well and there had been no complains about him (of course not, this man knows how to behave well and gain peoples trust….) Apart from him he mentioned a young woman in the church that was in need for somewhere to stay. I knew her briefly as a very nice person but I thought it would be inappropirate for a 60+ year old man to have a 20 year old woman living in his apartment….(that the same thing could be claimed when it was a young man was beyond my imagination.) I decided to ask the complainant if he would be interested in this win-win deal and of course he was.
He came to visit but not alone….
The first day he came to visit me was the 27:th of November I was not at home and he sat like 4 hours waiting for me before he gave up. According to him he stayed so long because the friend where he was couching (in a mabati bed sitter) had a female visitor. The caretaker of hour house saw him, asked him who he was, then called me to confirm he was my friend.
I am not sure what day he came the second time but this time he showed up with his 10-12 (?) year old nephew. This felt a bit strange but I missed having kids in the house (one of many thing the complainant knew and could use as a way to get closer to me….) Well it was a nice boy so I did not mind. The boy came back when the complainant had moved in, played with kids in the compound he knew from before, watched movies and made no attempt to go home. I asked if his parents were ok with him staying overnight, he and the complainant said they were and because they were close family I let him.
Due to the fact that the complaintant didn’t have a phone and we were now seeing each other regularily I have next to no WhatsApp dokumentation between us that verifies the exact days from the very end of October until 4:th November (when I lend him an old phone I no longer used, one of many misstakes I did.)
The cooler box
One day we went to Kibuye Market to by Mangoes for making juice. That trip began with us going to borrow his fathers bicycle. He presented me to his father and his older brother and I told his father his son was a very nice man…….. at this time I was already ready to defend him against anyone that questioned him….
The 31:st of October (verified date) we went to Mega city to look for a suitable cooler box he could use when he went around trying to sell his juice, just to check prices and model. Already the next morning 1:st of November he texted me and told me a friend had one to sell, for about half the price of the new one we had seen in Mega City. This coincidence (?) was a bit of a red flag, but I ignored it…… I sent him money, first a deposit of 1 500 his friend demanded at then 2 300 when it was delivered and he had sent me photos of it. In the evening this day he listed all money I had lend him, for fruit and suger plus now the cooler box, total sum of 4 940 (I have the original)
He manage to turn me against old friends
1:st or 2:nd of November I told our caretaker that the guy he had seen waiting outside my apartment now had moved in and would stay in my apartment during my absence. He did not like the idea, said he would not trust him with that but of course I said I did…… That evening when the compliant came to my apartment he told me he had been told he had to show his identity card or he would not be allowed to enter the compund. I got annoyed, almost offended on his behalf and we agreed that this was not fair or anything we would accept.
Next morning when he was leaving, he came back upstairs, looking like a sad child….. telling me the caretakers and another man working in the building had refused to let him leave because he had not show an ID. Now he had managed to made me furious in my attempts to defend him….. I went downstairs as angry as I hadn’t been for at least 10 years….. and told them this was not a way to treat my guests, people I trusted with full access to my home but only within a couple of hours I realized that there was parts of this that had happened behind my back. I did not see the full picture at that time but enough to make a serious amend to the people that had become targets for my rage. The, only a few days later…… I had to admitt that I had been totally wrong about what kind of a person my ”friend” was….
Grandmother rushed to hospital (?)
I had lend him an old phone I had lying around, I think it was in the evening 4:th of November. He claimed he knew how to reset it and I trusted him. In the afternoon 5::th of november he came loocking sad and troubled showing me a message from someone he claimed to be a cousin telling him his grandmother had been admitted at Russia, they wanted him to come but he had to contribute to hospital bill, He needed 1 600 and I sent this to him at 14:44. He went out right away and already 50 mintes later, at 15:35 he sent a picture of an old lady in a hospital bed. He was praising me, calling me boss, saying how grateful he was for my generosity but they needed money for some additional treatment, 1 200 and I sent it…… even though I didn’t like the praising (another red flag……)
Then he got an opportunity he could not resist…..
The next day the 6:th of November I was expecting a transfer from my Bank in Sweden to show up in my M-pesa. I also sent 10 000 as a loan for a friend in legal trouble (about land, very common in Kenya….) In the evening I went in to check my statement, I saw the transfer I had made to my friend but also two other ones made to the complainant 10 000 at 2 pm at and three hours later another 10 000 . I confronted him with this, he claimed he had no idea and said it was probably some kind of internet fraud, I gave him the benefit of the doubt (I still wanted to trust him…) but I had to figure out so the next morning we went together to Safaricom to try to report the fraud….. The woman there was very helpful listened to us bouth but took me aside and told me it was 100% sure that these transfers were not made by some hacker on internet but had been done from my phone and togehter we managed to figure out how he had done it. She called the complainant back and told him (in Dholuo) that there was no way he could be able to get away with it and that he had to pay me back the money. I asked her if she thought I should go to the police but she had also fallen for his ”charm” and innocent appearance……. and said perhaps not but never to trust him again.
He kept denying
We went back. I tried to make him admitt he had made a misstake. He kept denying all knowledge of the transfers but said he should try to make up for my loss. When I asked him why he would do that if he was inniocent his answer was: ”Because nobody believes my story”……. He said he had no money….. but could sell a chest freezer that might cover up for the loss and asked me if he wanted me to bring it to the apartment. I agreed, he went to pick it up and came bck with it and expected to be let back inside my home again……. I told him to pick his belongings, return the key, the phone and never show his face to me again. I was finally out of his control and that seemed to surprised him….
That night his nephew had slept over together with him in the double decker bed that used to belong to the girls of my ”ex”. Early in the morning I had taken the boy on a long walk along the river, watching colorful birds through binoculars, a very nice walk with a boy that could have been my grandson. Now that I had kicked out his uncle he was still around, using a bicycle that belongs to one of my ex stepchildren. I found him not far away, told him his uncle was no longer welcome so he had to leave and give me back the bicycle. His respeons was not Why? but ”What has he done now?”
How he had managed to send himself money
With the help of the lady in Safaricom I had figured out how he had been able to send money from my M-Pesa and what he had done to try to hide it from my attention. It could have happened either because I had left my phone on charge in the apartment or perhaps because I still had the app active on the phone I gave him, (if that even i possible ?) When it comes to how he figured out my codes there is no doubt, they were the same as the pin code to the phone I had lend him …….he tried and he got lucky.
I still felt sorry for him……
I talked to another friend about if I ought to go to the police or talk to his father. His advice was to start with talking to his father. I decided to do this, not to punish him but as a way to help him realize that he had done wrong by stealing and worse by still keep denying the obvious. I went to his fathers house and was met by a sister (?) telling me I could not talk to the father because he suffered from high blood pressure and could die from such bad news, another huge red flag, not about the compainant but what kind of family this was, stupid siters covering up for their stupid little brother, unless thery were just as manipulated as I had been….
For a couple of days he sent me strange messages telling me he was grateful for all that I had done for him and that he would always be there for me, very strange still in total denial. The 9:th of November, after he had got to know I had talked to both his family and the Revered whos church and trust he had abused the tone was completely different….He didn’t like that I ”ruined his reputation” wrote that this ”needed to stop immediatly” and told me to stay out of his buisness….. I told him that the best way to keep a good reputation was to avoid doing bad things or at least take accountability for the ones you might have done and that he was the one that had involved me in his ”buisness”. For another two days he spilled his anger over me throught texts but by then I was already on my way to Nairobi. I left the country as planned early morning the 12:th of November and after that I did not get any text from Kenya until I got a message from our caretaker late evening the 15:th of november…
A visit by the police
I was told that the complainant hade showed up late that night with 6-7 people that claimed to be from the police and at least one had been armed so he must have come up with a very good story.
Next morning my ex called and told me the same thing and then the real circus began…… to be continued……
Familjen 